I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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