you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
