I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
