I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
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