you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
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