I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
