He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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