it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
