Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
