How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
