And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
