apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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