Your face is a jimmy john
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
