does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
