youre lurking in front of me
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Im part way to drunk.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
