i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
