Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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