the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
