Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
