i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
