you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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