it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
