I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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