I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
