how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
