my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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