It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
