it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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