i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just threw up on my dentist
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
