i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
