matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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