I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
