i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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