he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
