Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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