K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
