make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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