he wants to bone in the snuggie
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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