I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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