I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
