Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
