He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
"it" just moved
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
