Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
