they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Of course I have a pirate flag
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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