i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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