Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
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