There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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