You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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