Your mouth is God's brothel.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
