oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
