Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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