So drunk, too bad you don't want this
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
