were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
