i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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