i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I am midnight drunk by noon
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
