I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
